Thursday Thirteen
Feb 29, 2008 Uncategorized
13 things I currently miss…
1. The pregnant belly
2. The baby kicks
3. going out to bars with friends and drinking and playing pool for hours on end
4. going to movies and sitting next to the guy I wanted but was happy just being friends with
5. still having a friendship with that guy
6. friends to be cynical and sarcastic with
7. the feeling of being in love
8. a tiny baby to let sleep on my chest
9. working at a job I enjoy
10. my childhood and knowing that i had no real responsibilities
11. the ability to stay up for 48 hours straight without getting tired.
12. sex
13. the feeling of being myself
wordful wednesday
Feb 28, 2008 Uncategorized
The flurries continued during the night and it’s been snowing on and off today. Skyler just doesn’t get to play in it. I’d hate for him to get sicker than he is now. Plus, I’m itching to get back to work. I have a few “snow” pictures, but they will have to wait until tomorrow. I get my new lens sometime today and I’ll have to wait to play with that tomorrow. Grrr.
I won’t be online tonight since I’ll be working. I have to do the schedule so grandma is going to babysit Skyler.
That’s all for today. Its his naptime and I have to get ready for work.
<3
snow snow snow!
Feb 27, 2008 photography
or flurries. lol
It’s incredible when it actually snows in Tennessee. The weather has been crazy this year. 80 degrees in December and now snow flurries in late February when it’s supposed to be warming up for spring.
There is a light covering of snow on the ground and the streets are wet but the thought of snow is nice. Here’s to hoping it keeps snowing throughout the night and goes strong during the day. I would love to be able to take some pictures of the snow this year.
we took a sick day
Feb 27, 2008 photography
Since Skyler has the flu, he has to be out of daycare until Thursday at the very least. Since I have no babysitter to watch him currently, guess who is home with him?
We had a good day today. Woke up earlier than I had hoped. Snuggled on the couch for an hour reading books, then a breakfast of hashbrowns and bananas.
Watched Across the Universe as he sang and danced to the music. Napped for an hour and a half then a trip to walmart to pick up medicine. Resulted in buying a new set of duplo blocks too. We stopped at Burger King for a lunch of hamburgers and fries. After lunch we read some more books, played with our blocks and fought for our nap.
I love days when I get to snuggle and play with him. I just wish I could do this everyday.
is it alright to ask for a do-over?
Feb 26, 2008 love, photography
A friend asked me a very difficult question tonight. Honestly, it took me by surprise and brought tears to my eyes.
Q: Would you do it over?
I’m answering this with my laptop currently halfway in my lap, and Skyler also halfway in lap. He can’t breathe, is burning up and is breathing through his mouth and sucking on his pacifier. He sounds horrible as he pitifully whines because I know that he wants to snuggle with me in the bed. I feel terrible for keeping him up longer to post this, but my thoughts are going to keep me up if I don’t get them out.
A. I don’t necessarily want a complete do over. I love Skyler. I love him more than anything in the whole world. That’s why I’ve given up so much for him, knowing that he’s been better off while I made my sacrifices. I don’t regret getting pregnant and having him. I regret the circumstances that I got pregnant under. I regret not being in a healthy, loving relationship. I regret not having some kind of financial security. Most of all, as much as I hate saying this, I regret him not having a real father.
I do feel like I’m missing out on so much. I talk to my friends at work who go out during the week and have fun, knowing that I can’t do that. I feel like I’m missing out on my chance to have a career in photography knowing that I can’t take him with me and I have no one to watch him. I feel like I’m missing out on having a job I love because I can only work certain hours and if he gets sick, I’m the only one to take care of him.
Most of all, I feel like I’m missing out on having relationships and missing out on dating because I don’t have a babysitter to watch him at night since grandma and grandpa don’t want to. I feel like being a mom is a complete turn off to guys and the ones that it isn’t a turn off too, automatically assume that I’m married. Um… yeah. They both have happened before.
I feel like I’m a sticky situation. There is good in my life and there is the not so good. I just let the not so good outweigh the good.
new toys for all of us!
Feb 25, 2008 photography
I posted yesterday about the new shoes for Skyler. I just had to post a picture too.
He got his new shoes yesterday and some new books and today I got my new toy.
The Sigma 28-70mm f/2.8-4.0 High Speed Zoom Lens. I am so excited about it! I love that the f/stop is at least a 28 and it’s a short zoom lens. I’m still not sure if I’m going to get the 70-300mm lens or if I should just hold off.
I can’t wait till I get my toy in the mail!
finally feeling right
Feb 24, 2008 love, photography
I think today has been one of the better days that I have had.
Skyler and I made a trip out to Shoe Carnival where I found an awesome pair of shoes for him that are literally just perfect. Then we hit the mall where I played with some external flashes and a lens that I’m still not certain I’m going to buy. Last stop was Waldenbooks where we each left with two new books and he got a little bear stuffed animal that he HAD to have. It was a clearance at 75% off, I couldn’t say no to that. Just another addition to his stuffed animal collection. This child is obsessed.
Got home, had a wonderful lunch which he scarfed down, we played with the football for about 20 minutes afterward. He’s actually learning how to catch the football when it’s thrown underhand and gently at him. We ask him if he’s ready to catch the football, and he extends his arms out to us and proceeds to catch the ball. Love it. So adorable.
Unfortunately, he only took an hour nap and came down with a fever. We are still fighting it. I’m not looking forward to a sick toddler, instead looking forward to a day of baby snuggles for tomorrow.
18 month appointment on Monday. Fun. The upside to that day is leaving work early ;) and of course, pictures to finish off this post.
problematic technology
Feb 23, 2008 Uncategorized
I can’t remember how much I’ve talked about my problems with my computer in my blog(s), but it’s getting ridiculous now. My computer is completely down until it lets me re-install windows XP. I have the software, but every time it starts running through the setup, the computer completely shuts off.
It’s frustrating and I hate this piece of junk.
Infant Swimming Research
Feb 22, 2008 photography
I can’t wait for summer. I can’t wait to be able to go outside without freezing my butt off. I can’t wait to be able to dress Skyler in a diaper and nothing else. I can’t wait to jump into a pool of glistening cold water. Most of all I can’t wait to take Skyler in the pool with me. I can’t wait to teach him how to swim.
Grandpa found a class for him that will teach him not only to swim, but if he falls into water, to learn to relax and swim upward and then roll over on his back so he can breathe and float. It’s called Infant Swimming Research, or IRS. It will be a 10 minute class Monday-Friday for 3-6 weeks. We found a woman about 20 minutes from us that is a licensed instructor. She’s only about 5ish minutes from where I work. So grandpa is talking about picking up Skyler from daycare when he gets off work and then going to the lesson. I would meet them there.
I’m excited. It’s not too expensive, but definitely worth the money. It will be so amazing to know that Skyler knows how to swim and knows what to do in case something happens and he falls in on accident. Knowing that these lessons could one day save his life is an amazing thought.
I plan on being there every single day with my camera. Capturing the lessons in pictures. I really can’t wait for this.
Summer is going to be a blast!
new blog
Feb 22, 2008 Uncategorized
I’m doing a refresh of my life. Letting loose of all the negative energy. I’ve been overcome with a wave of unhappiness, and I’m tired of it. I need to go back to feeling like myself.
I’ll hopefully be reformatting my computer this weekend and I know I will feel a lot better once it’s running back up to speed. No more sitting around waiting for my Adobe Photoshop to catch up with me, or my cable internet going at dial-up speed. It’s aggrevating. The first program I’m installing on my computer once it’s back up? Anti-Spyware of course. I downloaded a crack and it gave me spyware and a virus with it. Which I wouldn’t have gotten if I had anti-spyware program installed in the first place.
A hard lesson learned.
