Psychotically Sane

This will probably be the first of many pity posts.

I’m ready to break. I’m ready to call it quits. I’m stressed, tired, exhausted, lonely, currently excruciatingly unhappy and I’ve been stretched too thin. I’m tired of days like today where I feel like I get no kind of respect at work. I’m tired of days like today where I can’t finish my tasks on time because I can’t get some executive input. I can’t finish certain tasks until I get executive approval that it’s okay. And if they decide that what I need isn’t important enough, it doesn’t get to me in time. Which means I get a bad score because someone else couldn’t get their shit together.

I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been thinking about the sperm donor more. I didn’t want to. He’s the last thing I need on my mind. But he was. It’s been almost 21 months since he’s last seen Skyler. It’s been almost 9 months since I last talked to him. When he promised me child support. He disappeared and I couldn’t get it. It KILLS me what he’s doing to me. To Skyler. The fact that he’s killed any kind of hope for Skyler having the ideal family of a mom and a dad. I don’t care how much love Skyler gets from everyone else in his family, nobody can replace the father. NOBODY.

I want my vacation. I haven’t had a vacation for what feels like 2 years. The vacation I was planning on taking has been canceled.

I’ve held this in for too long. I don’t vent anymore. Not to myself, not to my blog (until now), not to anybody else. I’m holding it in and it’s breaking me. It’s ready to break out. I want to scream. I want to pull my hair out. I want a night filled with tears so I can get past this crappy feeling. Others are noticing how I’m acting. I can’t fake my smiles anymore. I can’t fake my good moods anymore.

I’m feeling crappy and I need a vacation. I need something to calm things down…. and I don’t think a big bottle of Jack Daniels is going to do it this time.

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