Psychotically Sane

Archive for March, 2009

I love finishing projects. I love starting new projects. I love browsing through a local yarn store, gushing over the soft yarn, drooling over the gorgeous colorways. The picture above is a ribbed hat I’m knitting for Skyler. I know it’s springtime and soon to be summer, so he really won’t need it, but he will need a hat for the fall and the winter. I’m a constant procrastinator, so at least this way I will have his hat ready :D

I have more I wanted to blog about, but my “a” key is officially dead and it’s a PITa to have to copy and paste whenever I want to use the letter. I guess this means I definitely need to buy a new keyboard for my computer :P

I had wanted to spend this past Saturday in Chattanooga, my camera attached to my hands as I filled up memory cards and ran my battery down. Rain the entire week threatened my plans. So instead we spent Saturday morning at the library getting books and driving around. Sunday was spent baking.

Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies

Big Fat Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

and Banana Muffins

Yum yum delicious.

Next weekend will be the trip to Chattanooga. So excited about it too. I can’t wait to spend a day with friends. With the little one in tow of course, but he will have fun.

I need help from my faithful readers (the few ;)

The pool is officially open. I know it’s going to be at least another month until we really get to go swimming in it, but that means that I only have 1 month to find Skyler some swim trunks! Preferably ones with a built in diaper. We are well on our way to being completely potty trained, but accidents can happen. I want to be covered just in case.

So readers, best store/site for boy swim trunks with build in diaper? Please please please let me know!

Do you really want Skyler to suffer through wearing diapers in the pool? They balloon up right away and then I’ll be taking pictures of Skyler like this:

Give me something cute for him to wear in the pool ;)

10 days since my last post. It’s getting a little pathetic how long I’m able to go without blogging. It’s getting more pathetic how little I have to blog about.

Skyler & I spent the past week sick with the flu. We did nothing but read and watch tv while we spent our time on the couch and in bed. My knitting sat untouched and I became obsessive about reading the Twilight books. And I guess to read 4 books within a week’s time, I must have been a tad overly obsessive about them.

But now we are better and now I have nothing to read. Instead, I’m throwing myself back in photography and knitting. It’ll be a nice change of pace from last week. When the computer was never turned on and my camera attracted the dust. Even after Skyler was asleep, when I should have been sitting on the computer, processing pictures and wasting time surfing the internet; I was sitting in my bed, captivated by the books.

-sigh- Anybody have any suggestions for good books to read? My mind is DYING to read something good. Or just read at all.

I am so desperately in need of spring, warm weather and more time spent outside, I’m driving myself a tad insane by processing pictures I took the other day. Pictures I shot when it was in the low 70′s and the breeze gently blowing while Skyler played baseball and hide and seek. Where I felt so centered and calm, with no worries or no cares, where the only thing that mattered was spending that time with Skyler, playing and laughing. Him telling me to hide so he could count. As he counted “1, 2, 3, 7, 12, 10!! Ready not! Here I come!” and he wandered aimlessly around the front yard calling out for me. “Mommmmmmy. Where are you?” and then falling in a fit of giggles as I pop out of my hiding place. I can picture the smile on his face as he tells me that he’s going to hide and it’s my turn to count. I cover my eyes, peeking through just enough so he can’t notice I’m watching him and he runs and hides behind a big bush. I count and proclaim that I’m coming to find him and in a matter of seconds I hear giggling coming from the bush. I know he’s watching me, waiting for me to find him, while I pretend that I have no clue where he is. I hear more giggling and then with a laughing expression he jumps out from behind the tree and runs to me wrapping his arms around my legs. He’s so proud to tell me that I couldn’t find him. Then tells me not once, but several times, “I was hiding in the bush!”. These are the memories I want to make. It seems like I can’t have these memories in the winter, or else I just haven’t figure out how to make them just yet. So give my spring, give me warm weather and weekends in the pool. So I can have memories to look back on when things are down and I need a smile on my face….

I regret every decision I made since graduating high school. I regret everything I did, and didn’t do. These decisions have turned my life upside down in what I’m starting to feel is the worst possible way. The decisions have led me to have a job I absolutely hate, to having a child I can’t fully support on my own, to having to fake my fucking happiness every single day. I am not pms’ing. I am on the verge of a fucking breakdown because I can’t handle this anymore. I don’t regret Skyler, just the situation he was born into. I used to believe that God only gave a person so much that they could handle. I am starting to doubt this belief, because this is just to much for me. I want more luck when I am doing my job hunting, so I can get out of this mess. Maybe then I’ll find my happiness. Maybe then I’ll start to feel more normal and under control. Until then, I’ll do my best to hang on by the little thread of sanity I have left.

I can tell that spring is near. My camera is getting more use, my mood is uplifted and I really want to spend more time outside.

He let me take some pictures yesterday and I took full advantage of it. Correction… I bribed him to get some pictures. I still took full advantage of him falling for the bribe.

I guess it’s time for a potty training update. We have been in underpants for roughly a week and a half and it is going incredibly well. He’s still having at most 1 accident a day, but it’s turning into one accident every few days. It makes me so proud of him. Makes me realize that he understands what is going on. He’s growing too fast and while I’m trying to embrace the growth, I miss my little baby.

Oh how I love my Canon 30D and the fabulous picture quality. I have lots of pictures to process and lots of pictures to post. I guess I need to quit slacking.

I’m trying to make it a weekly ritual to spend a couple hours at the library. Either Saturday or Sunday. Let Skyler spend some time with the puzzles while I can spend some time knitting. Find some books for both of us and then if the weather permits, spend some time on the playground. It’s nice getting out with him, letting him get out of the house, expanding his love of books and reading and then running off his unlimited amount of energy on the slide and swings. I think he’s been enjoying it too. Except for the glares I received from the librarian for having my camera out, we had fun at the library and I managed to snag some wonderful shots.

I wish I could have more days like that with him. Work is just not quite as fun.