Psychotically Sane

Archive for May, 2009

We left for our weekend in Iowa early Friday morning. We leave very soon for lunch with my grandma (Sky’s great-grandma) and then we will be headed to the airport to go home
This weekend has been non-stop, hustle and bustle, busy busy busy…. but I have enjoyed it. I’ve enjoyed seeing endless cousins, aunts and uncles and my grandma. I’ve enjoyed watching Skyler play with his cousins (my second cousins??) and enjoyed this beautiful weather that we have been blessed with.

I’m not ready to head back to work on Monday, but I definitely feel a lot less stressed. But I guess that’s how it’s supposed to feel when you are on vacation. I’ll feel the stress once everything goes back to normal…

Everything has been crazy for almost the two weeks, since losing my friend. Myself and friends at work still miss her terribly and talk about her often, reminiscing in the memories and still experience the slight zombie feeling when we think about her. Of course it’s nothing compared to what her family is feeling, but we are still continuing to show our support for them as much as possible.

Work overall has been nothing but insane. Bad days followed by more bad days. I am ready for a vacation and soon….

I guess the only thing that is helping me keep my sanity, besides Skyler’s cuteness, is my knitting. I’m getting bored with making stock of newborn hats for my Itty Bitty Knits shop that I decided it was time to knit something for myself. I wanted to knit some fingerless gloves. I know it’s summer, but with my procrastination, I can start now and have them done in time for October 2009. Or January 2010…. The pattern I found involved using a cable needle. All of a sudden I was officially scared. I had no clue how to use a cable needle or how it would turn out. So I knit up a quick gauge swatch for the pattern to make sure I had the correct needle size and yarn weight and practiced with my cable needle to figure out how to use it. Very quickly I fell in love. And because I really do procrastinate, I’ve started a Mini Cabled Scarf. It is knit out of a beautiful Patons Soy Wool Stripes yarn that has one of the most beautiful colorways I have ever knit with. Once this is finished, then I will start the fingerless gloves. Maybe…. ;)

I was going to knit some fingerless gloves with a very intricate cable running through them. But I didn’t know how to knit with a cable needle. So I practiced on a gauge swatch and decided the gloves would have to be put on hold. So I started knitting my Mini Cabled Scarf.
Knit out of a beautiful Patons Soy Wool Stripes yarn that I got from my wonderful sister. I should have enough for my 5ft scarf and the gloves.
No pattern is written out because it’s just a basic ribbed scarf with the basic forward cable down the middle.

It’s been a while since I’m talked about the boy. And boy, oh boy, do I have a lot to update on.

The biggest? He is officially POTTY-TRAINED! As in, he will run to the potty all by himself when he has to pee. He runs to the potty when he has to poopy. No help needed. Want to know something even bigger? He’s now wearing underwear to bed. It’s been a long time since he’s gone pee during the night, so I’m taking the chance and dumping the pull-ups for good. Cross your fingers I didn’t just jinx the no-night-time pee for us ;)

He’s talking… and talking… and talking.. and talking… and holy moly this kid can talk! He’s singing. He sings along with the Backyardigan CD I made for him. He signs along with Sum 41. Seriously. It’s really made me realize how his brain is a sponge just wanting to learn and soak up everything myself and others can teach him. And he’s learning Spanish. Yes, my two year old can count up to six in Spanish. After ‘seis’, it’s back to ‘cuatro’. Cutest thing in the world. He won’t always count in Spanish when I ask, it’s more of a random act. It just makes me really want to learn Spanish myself (besides the random words I know) and teach Skyler it too.

And have I mentioned how much I love him? I can’t believe he is turning 3 in August. I ran across a picture of him at a year and it didn’t even recognize him. What happened to my baby? Have I really forgotten him?

And of course, a post is not a post, without another picture.

I spent very little time on my knitting and photography this past week. But with good reason. I’ve spent the past week living in a surreal world where I lost a close friend. Between mourning, healing and giving my support and sympathy to her family, I haven’t had time or the energy for much else. Now that things have calmed down, I’ve picked up my knitting and my camera and it feels good. I finally updated my ravelry with pictures of these two projects:

I knitted this hat about a month ago. It started with a simple ribbed brim

and it turned into this soft and warm wool hat.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE how the colorway worked out with this yarn. It is simply divine.

And then I have this project:

This was my first time knitting with Malabrigo yarn. I was warned I would get addicted. I was told it is a knitter’s crack yarn. I didn’t believe the warnings but alas, I am ADDICTED. But I’m going to be good and I’m going to just indulge when I need a soft yarn fix. Or I’m going to avoid buying it at all costs until I get through the stash of yarn I currently have. Whichever comes first ;)
Anyways….
I wanted to knit a newborn stocking cap with the malabrigo yarn. This is how the hat started out.

I was semi happy with how the colorway was working out. I was informed of the weird pooling that can come about while knitting with the yarn, so I was relieved to see that it was working out pretty well for this hat.
And this is how the finished hat looks.

I still can’t get over how soft the yarn knits up and I like how the hat turned out. It was a stocking hat that was kicking and screaming for a tassel instead of a pom-pom.

Now I need a new project. And I have no idea what I want to knit up….

I said goodbye to a friend today. I felt an immense amount of closure seeing her laying in the casket. At peace. Even in a moment of death, I still felt how much life she has in her.

Every word that was spoken, drew me in. So much I didn’t know about her. I learned so much about her life. And seeing her two children. Her 22 year old son and her 19 year old daughter and really seeing Nina in them. Seeing how much life she gave them. Seeing her smile on their faces. Just knowing how much she and her husband sacrificed for them. I feel so honored to have met her, to have worked with her, to be able to call her a friend.

It was just the closure I needed.
The whole night I needed.

A group of us met at work at 4pm. Several brought clothes to change into (including me) and we carpooled to the funeral home. Spent an hour visiting with the family and reliving memories with friends. Some went home and the rest of us (10 total) went and ambushed Rafferty’s in a fit of hunger. It was a wonderful hour and a half of good food, great friends, talking, laughing and enjoying each others company. We went back to the funeral home and enjoyed a very touching service dedicated to an incredible person. And it felt good. It felt good being there with people who knew how great she was. Who knew how much she would be missed. And especially great to be there with people who wanted to give her family as much support as we possibly can.

I truly am blessed with incredible family and friends.

Visitation on Wednesday. Funeral on Thursday.

I’m scared of seeing her. I’m scared of going to her funeral. I’m scared of realizing that she is in fact gone.

I’m in a delusional state and I’m pretty sure that she’s on vacation. She turned off her phone and is enjoying relaxing on the beach somewhere. But she’ll be back soon. We will enjoy a nice lunch at Qdoba. She will order her usual Naked Burrito and I will get my summer usual Mango Chicken Salad (especially since mangos are now in season). We’ll chit-chat like old times. And she will be smiling, because that’s how she looked the last time I saw her. She was smiling, ecstatic over life. Everything was going great, she had so much going on…

I never received the fucking message from Angela Sunday night. Never received the fucking call from her son late Sunday night. It was a fucking dream.

I think I need to delusion myself into a dream world. Or drink myself silly since it is Cinco de Mayo (or as Trish called it, Cinco de Drinko) and sleep till Friday. I’m tired of putting on my brave face.

I want to fucking cry.

At work we talked about nothing except what we lost. At home I want to talk about it but I have no one to listen.

I don’t have the balance and it’s bothering me more than it should.

I want to curl up into a little ball and cry away the night. I want to go to sleep and sleep until tomorrow morning when I have to wake up and face the day. Put my brave face on and pretending losing a friend doesn’t bother me.

They reluctantly made the announcement at huddle and of course I started silently crying. Hell, the tears started coming even before she said the words. The look on her face as she prepared to deliver the devastating news is what broke me down.

Shit. Wednesday is the wake and Thursday is the funeral. I’m not going to be able to handle this.

It worried me when a friend messaged me on facebook with the sentence “You will find out tomorrow, but there is some sad news”. One of my work friends, who became an out of work friend was in a car accident and passed away Saturday night.

And all I can think about is how we won’t get our weekly lunches to catch up on our lives and what is going on. I’m thinking about how I let too much time pass between seeing her, even though she worked right next door. I’m thinking about how when I talk about her it will be in past tense never in future. I’m thinking about her family. How I want to go up to her husband at work and give him a hug and my condolences. Because I can’t even come close to imagining how he and their daughter feels.

R.I.P. Nina. Everyone at work is saddened by the news. No one can believe it’s real. We want to wake up from this horrible nightmare. You and your family are forever in our thoughts and prayers. You will be forever missed, but never forgotten. <3

This past week has been insane. Not really busy (because I don’t have a life) but as being stressful. The accomplishment that I am excited about most?? My Etsy store!

Itty Bitty Knits I have one order so far and I hope that I can keep busy with this and make extra money.

So check out the store and spread the word!