Psychotically Sane

Jun 27, 2009 The Mom, rambling

• submit FAFSA application DONE!
• submit college application DONE!
• get shot records signed off for application
• get high school transcripts DONE!

I’m getting nervy. Especially about the thought of going back to school. I’m reliving random memories of my high school life and remembering how much I hated it. I’m remembering how much trouble I had in school and I’m really starting to doubt myself on whether or not I can handle this college thing. The fact that Targhetto and everyone else in this fucking world ONLY talks about how it’s almost back to school time. The fact that k-12 schools go back August 14th and the fact that some colleges start August 25th is freaking me out even more. The deadline for Nashville State Community College is August 28th and I don’t know when the classes officially start, but that doesn’t make a difference. I am so fucking scared shitless. I don’t want to fail at this, I don’t even want to struggle and I know that being out of school for 7 years is going to make a huge difference than if I was going to college immediatly after graduating high school. The only thing that keeps me going for this is the knowing that I HAVE to go back to school. Every sign, every thought, every realization has told me that I have no choice.

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Tonight was spent with a barbeque with friends. I rejoiced at having the night off from being a mom, yet I missed Skyler so much. It was nice not to have to feed him dinner while I was eating. It was nice to be able to stand around talking and gossiping with friends without having to keep an eye on him. It was nice to play a couple games of Wii bowling without having to wonder what he was getting into.

Let’s face it… I enjoyed the night off and I’m starting to think that I need to go out with friends at least once a month….

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Nothing much else new. Still doing uber amounts of knitting. Or trying too. Skyler and I went to the library today and I found a fun knitting books, among other books I actually got to pick out. So as soon as I get some pictures processed and up on flickr, I’m heading to bed to knit while reading a knitting fiction book. Yes, laugh at my loser self, I’m a lameoid and I’m embracing it.

Or I’m heading straight to bed and passing out. The rum is taking over my brain and telling me I need to sleep.