Psychotically Sane

The funks are becoming more frequent. They are to be blamed for my sporadic blogging. The truth is that I can’t blog. I have nothing to write about. My life is a monotonous and boring. I need a change.
I want to move. I want to be done with Tennessee. I want to be done with the cold weather. I want to move to California. Correction, for the past 10 or so years I’ve wanted to move to Cali. Since I first visited a little over 10 years ago, since visiting last year in November, I have known that it’s where I want to set my roots. And I’m frustrated because now more than ever I want to move and when I think it becomes a possibility, reality hits me harder than a sack of rocks.
Emotionally, mentally and physically, I can handle the move and I can handle living there. Just Skyler and I. Alone. On the adventure of life. Financially is a different story. And I’m frustrated because I feel that while I’m here in Tennessee, my life will continue to go nowhere. I’m plagued by bad memories, bad decisions and negativity. The cold weather brings me down. The icy chill in the air kills what little spirit I have left.
I need to get the fuck out of here. And I keep thinking that no matter what, I’m stuck here.
I want the fuck out. I want to do whatever I have to do. But how can when all the negativity in my life keeps telling me that it won’t work and I can’t do it. And what happens when I believe it?