Content. Again.
Mar 15, 2010 Uncategorized
The untold story has ended. It’s a story I didn’t share with many people. I got my hopes up and things went a way I didn’t expect. But I am okay with it.
I have started doing the 30 Day Shred workout. Saturday night I was armed with my 5lb handweights, my beloved iPod (I really do have a sickening obsession with her) and very little sense of determination overpowered by a sense of dread, I put in the Shred DVD and followed the instructor. And afterwards I realized why I was filled with so much dread. I had heard the horror stories of how intense the workout was. I brushed it off. Karma got me for that one. My whole lower body was sore. Truth is, I could barely move. It hurt to walk, go up and down stairs, sit down or move any way possible. It hurt to think about how much my muscles hurt.
Today, I did day 3. I really didn’t want too, what with the continous pain, but I did the workout. And afterwards, I felt great. I could tell that my endurance is building and it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. I know it will tomorrow, but I am fine with that. The pain will go away and I look forward to the workout tomorrow. It’s good for me. So why stop now? I only have 27 more days to go…..
Breaking at the crack
Mar 2, 2010 rambling
I feel like I am being stretched thin. I’m taking on more responsibilities at work because we are short handed. And I see myself getting used in the near future. Because I’m happy to help out when others need help and I hate seeing the people I work with struggle.
That’s when I realize that the only good thing about my job is the friends I have made there. The people that I love so much and look forward to working with everyday. The ones that I know I can count on to get me through my day, listen to me rant when things get frustrating and go with me to McDonalds for lunch on the day that we are ready to walk out and tell them fuck you, we are tired of putting up with your bullshit. When we then realize that no matter what, there is always going to be something that makes our days more frustrating than we want it too. But we always end up laughing about it in the end.
And I put up with the daily struggles for one person.
I’m still struggling to make sense of the untold story. It fills my heart and my thoughts daily. It’s definitely the one thing I wish was easier for me to handle.
But I will take everything one day at a time, and get through the black hole I feel like I have fallen into.
Stress dreams
Feb 26, 2010 The Mom, rambling, the boy, the sperm donor
The past week has been my worst week of sleep. Waking up several times a night, having overly realistic dreams on top of that. And then when I do sleep for more than an hour at a time, I have such a realistic and horrific dream that I can’t even be sure my brain was relaxed enough to benefit from the sleep.
And for the first time since I can remember, I had a dream about Skyler’s father. He showed up out if nowhere. He talked to me like we had just met. He barely acknowledged Skyler and of course Skyler took no notice to him. But what really hurt the most was how I remember thinking how Skyler deserved to know that the man was his father, but I just couldn’t tell him. Until he left the room. That was when I told Skyler who that man was. A simple “Skyler, did you know that us your daddy?” and then I woke up, feeling empty, let down, broken-hearted and most of confused. I know how hurt I am that he left us. I hate him for what he did, but I also imagine him coming back and then wanting to welcome him with as open arms as I can muster. And now I feel that my dream is telling me that I won’t be able to let him back into our lives. That I will go as far to protect Skyler from the man who has hurt both of us, by lying and avoiding telling him who his father his. To protect him from the man who has killed my dream of having the family I want. But is it really my ex’s fault that I am broken and holding a grudge that I feel is preventing me from happiness. Or is it mine? And will time heal these wounds or do I have to find the strength to put the past behind me. Embrace the future that scares me….
A story I can’t tell
Feb 22, 2010 Uncategorized
Each day I think about blogging, but don’t. I have nothing to blog about. What I do want to talk about, I can’t here so I hold it in. I leave it as a story I can’t tell….
Skyler got a haircut the other day.
As much as I love his older kid look, I miss his longer locks and the bangs in his eyes. It made him look younger, more toddler like. I miss my baby. I don’t want him to look older when I can hardly stand him growing up. And it certainly doesn’t help when all of my friends have new babies. Or are pregnant.
Work is still work. My life is just as simple as ever. I love my friends dearly, so I can’t complain when things aren’t perfect in my eyes. I’m still sitting on the feeling of content. Maybe teetering is more like it. But that’s another part of the untold story.
And I am still knitting. Because it relaxes me and makes my quiet nights semi enjoyable. Soon spring will be here and then at last summer. I can’t wait for the sun, the heat and the longer days. I need a little vitamin d to bring my dreary spirits up.
just a simple update
Feb 9, 2010 Uncategorized
I wish I could say that the reason for abandoning my blog is my exciting life. I wish I could say that I just simply don’t have time to get online and share all my blog worthy stories. Truth is, I have nothing to blog about. My life is spent at home with Skyler and my family, at work with my friends and nights are just by myself. and my knitting. Sadly, I’m content this way.
And since Kimberly told me I had to blog about it, I splurged a little on myself and got an iPod Touch. And it’s fun and addictive. Especially the apps. Like the ShakeItPhoto app I found that turns your photos into polaroids.
So here are a couple of my “polaroids”
Each day
Jan 30, 2010 rambling
I know that it has been a while since I last updated this blog. Truthfully, I have no interest in keeping either of my blogs updated. And that sadden me.
But I am going to try to post something of an update.
Er…. Or how about the newest yarn I have dyed…. Since I have nothing close to exciting to talk about.
the yarn.
Jan 15, 2010 Uncategorized
Remember my yarn dyeing tutorial?? Well, I’ve got photos of the finished yarn.
Because I couldn’t come up with anything better, this one is called Twilight. Different shades of blue with just a touch of white and purple to give it the pop.
And then Crayola Crayons. I love how bright the red, yellow and blue are.
Yarn Dyeing Tutorial
Jan 10, 2010 Uncategorized
I was asked to put together a yarn dyeing tut. Full of pictures, because that’s the easiest way to understand what to do.
So I took photos of my yarn dyeing adventures this morning. What a wild ride!
Step 1 – Soak yarn in water. It needs soak for minimum of 1 hr, but I wouldn’t recommend going over several hours. I wouldn’t be able to wait that long.
Step 2 – Ring out the excess water from the yarn. It still needs to be pretty wet while you are dyeing it, but it doesn’t need to be soaking wet. I usually pour the yarn into a colander and let it drain out that way. Usually 30 min – 1hr.
Step 3 – Set up the work area. I have a couple pieces of plastic wrap laid out, then an old tablecloth that I use to paint the yarn on.
You don’t have to use the old tablecloth, but it keeps the plastic wrap cleaner so there is less chance of accidental coloring where you don’t want it.
Dyes and cups. I like the Jaquard Powder Acid Dyes. You will need one cup for each color. I use 3oz cups. Go larger cups or bowls if you desire. Just make sure that they are disposable. You don’t want to use a bowl or cup that you will later be using for food or drink. And a cup of vinegar (I’ve read two sets of directions that you do and you don’t need this. I play it safe and use it) You won’t need much vinegar but it’s easier to pour from a 3 oz cup than from the bottle.
Stirring sticks, 1/4 tsp and 1/2 tsp & paintbrushes. I bought skewering sticks and cut them in half. Regular cheap painting brushes from the hardware store. You don’t need to go expensive. And make sure you keep the teaspoons separate from your cooking ones. You don’t want to use these again for foods or liquids.
Clear Plastic wrap and towel. You will use the plastic wrap to wrap the yarn and the towel has it’s obvious reasons.
Gloves. The dyes stain. Trust me on this one.
Step 4- Mix the dyes.
I use 1/4 tsp of dye for almost 3oz of liquid.
Stir it up.
Some colors you will need to use more of the dye powder for. You will be able to tell when you need more or less.
Now the vinegar.
Mix in 1/2 tsp of vinegar and stir again.
Step 5- Now get ready to paint. You should have put on your gloves before you started mixing, but if you didn’t, but them on now.
Get your paintbrush and dip it into the cup.
Now paint it on to the yarn. Make sure you saturate it really well.
Paint the skein of yarn to your desired colors and patterns.
There is no right or wrong way. Every time you will get a delightful surprise of coloring! Once you paint the first side, flip it over and paint the other side.
Step 6- Remove the skein of yarn carefully from the tablecloth and move the tablecloth so you can lay the yarn on the plastic wrap. Fold the plastic wrap around the yarn. Fold it over once.
or twice. I just really liked this photo.
Step 7- Pop it in the microwave for up to 7 minutes per 200 grams of yarn. It’ll burn if you put it in too long and it won’t heat set if you don’t put it in long enough. I have found that 2.5 minutes for 100grams of yarn has worked well.
If you have to open the microwave to let steam out halfway through, go ahead. It won’t hurt anything.
Step 8 – put into a pyrex pan and let it cool. Since it’s the dead of winter, I let it sit outside. It airs it out since it gets stinky! I will most likely do the same in the summer time.
(this was a different skein of yarn I dyed today. I forgot to take a photo of the first skein after I took it out of the microwave ;)
Step 9 – Once it’s cooled off, give it a nice bath in the sink. This will remove all excess dye that would bleed out normally in the first washing.
I throw in 1/4 tsp of wool wash. It gives it a yummy scent.
Very carefully wash the yarn. You want to make sure to remove all excess dye. If it was heat set correctly, very little dye will bleed out. Some colors bleed more than others. Blue’s don’t bleed much, but purples, reds and yellows will bleed a lot. It’s normal.
Ring out the water, lay it on a towel and pat dry. Hang to dry. Wind in a ball, and knit. Fun!
Good luck with your yarn dyeing experience!
Star Crossed Slouchy Beret
Jan 10, 2010 knitting, photography, projects
I’m not much of a hat person, but I fell in love with the Star Crossed Slouchy Beret that I found on ravelry. I wanted to practice with dyeing yarn, so I bought some bare yarn from Knitpicks, some dyes and did some research. After coming to the conclusion that it can’t be as hard as it sounds, I dyed up my first skein of yarn. unfortunately I don’t have a photo of it And then I dyed up more yarn and more yarn and more yarn.
This has to be my favorite. While I’m still perfecting the coloring and how to get the pretty pooling, I’m having fun.
And this is the Star Crossed Slouchy Beret. Knit up with my first skein of hand dyed yarn. And I LOVE the finished hat. While I would prefer it in a solid color, I think the variegated coloring works. I love how it turned out.
Now I’m doing a scarf with the two skeins of yarn that I dyed up the other weekend. Same colors, it’s going to be just as pretty!
Snow Day!
Jan 10, 2010 Uncategorized, photography, the boy
For a week they were reporting a big snow blizzard to hit Tennessee. First it started as 2-4 inches. Then 4-6 inches. I think eventually it got along the lines of people swearing it was going to be huge. The biggest snow storm since 2003! For the record, there are parts of Tennessee that got 3/4 of an inch of snow in 2009. Most likely the same amount the past few years. It doesn’t snow. And when it might flurry, it barely sticks. And whatever does stick, sticks to the road where it melts and then freezes overnight. We get ice. Damn ice…
Anyways, so we actually got about an inch of snow this past Thursday. They were warning everyone that it was going to start around midnight Thursday morning. It started snowing 10am where I live. They had started calling off school Wednesday night and I found out that the kiddos daycare was closed Thursday morning. So he stayed home with Grandpa. And when I got home from work, he went to play in the snow.
And he loved playing in the barely an inch of snow. It wasn’t the right kind of snow to make snowballs with. So instead he just picked up handfuls and flung them at me.
But he did have fun. Until he was completely covered from head to toe in snow, frozen and exhausted. At that time I announced that it was time for hot chocolate and a snack.
Yeah…. he was ready to go inside. But being cold, frozen and tired didn’t stop him from talking about how he played in the snow. Now if we could just get one big snowstorm so he can REALLY play in the snow and build a snowman and throw snowballs. The puny one inch of snow that we got that day would be just a thing of the past.
